Getting Swept Away // What I Wore

"I can't decide if it's a choice
Getting swept away...

Your name has echoed through my mind

And I just think you should, think you should know
That nothing safe is worth the drive..."

~ Treacherous by Taylor Swift

Lately I'm obsessed with Taylor Swift's album, Red. I know, I know, I'm, like, three years late but better late than never, right? Between 22 (growing up, figuring out who we are and trying to find our place in the "adult" world); and songs like Begin Again or Treacherous (letting go of the past and being vulnerable again) I just relate to it so much lately! Maybe I just needed to grow up to appreciate it?

I spent so much of my life wishing I'd have someone special in it. I can't help it. I'm a hopeless romantic and I love love. I love the feeling of crushing on someone. The butterflies and blushing and feeling a bit little like a shy school girl. I love how vulnerable and raw and transparent it makes me feel

But whenever I find myself crushing on someone I almost instantly find myself wishing I didn't. As much as I love the drama and romance of it all I hate the feeling of helplessness. The waiting and worrying. Waiting for them to call me, to ask me out, etc. The worrying that I'm overreacting and I'm the only one that feels that "spark," that it's not going anywhere further. The vulnerability, rawness and transparency.

It's such conflicting feelings. I guess I just want a safe place to fall. I want a country song love. The kind where I'm just as much the only thing he can think about as he's the only thing I can think about. The kind where he shows up in a pickup truck to drive around with the windows down - and it doesn't matter where to as long as we're together.

But nothing worth having comes without risk, and so the circle starts again.

Outfit details:

shorts - Francesca's :: boots - Francesca's :: sweater - Francesca's :: necklace - Francesca's :: purse - Emma Fox via TJ Maxx :: headband - gift :: lipstick - Wet 'n Wild Mega Last lip color in Cherry Picking

Dear Future Husband: Why I'm NOT Waiting for You

Dear future husband,

I remember writing letters to Santa Claus when I was a child (and the easter bunny, and the tooth fairy - what can I say? I had a lot of questions!). I remember that as I started to get older I started to feel like maybe they weren't real. Maybe there was no one on the other end of my letters. I feel very much the same now.

See, this time last year I thought I'd met you. I thought he and I were a match made in heaven and would spend the rest of our lives together. That's when I did something I swore I'd never do: I pinned a lot of my worth on that relationship. More than enough to make me blush when I think back to that time in my life. Then it ended. That was a healthy reminder of how finite our human nature is - and our words.

Things got worse after that, but through it all I felt the strong hand of God in my life. A constant reminder of His love and presence is our lives. He showed me first hand that I have everything I need in Him. So this letter is to explain why I'm not waiting for you.

I've spent most of my short life wondering when my life would "begin." I think somewhere in the back of my head I think I thought that meant meeting you, because when I had my first boyfriend I felt like I had somehow accomplished something. As if I was now magically closer to the life I've always wanted. I woke up six months later with no boyfriend, few friends, and no closer to the life I'd always dreamed of. That's when I realized that maybe this wasn't what God had in store for me - in more ways than one.

I don't think God meant for me to spend my time waiting for you to come into my life - in fact, I don't even know if He has a "you" planned for me! He knows every detail of my life, and if he wanted a significant other in my life at this time, you'd be here now. Since you're not, the only logical assumption is that He has something else laid out for me now, and I don't want to miss it or waste it by pining away for you!

If you're out there I know that God has a fabulous future planned for us, and I know that we'll love each other dearly - but I also know that no one will ever love either of us more than our Heavenly Father. He is more to me than you ever will be, and I hope you can say the same thing about me.

So I'm not waiting for you. I don't think about you when I get dressed and whether or not you'd like what I'm wearing. I don't think about you when I go out shopping, and whether or not this is something we could use in our future house; and I don't think about you when I'm making life decisions. The only opinion that truly matters is God's, so that's what I think about. I think about how I would feel standing before Jesus in my #ootd. I strive to make my home a warm, and welcoming place so that through it I can show His love; and I try to discern God's will for my life in all decisions. I hope you're doing the same.

I hope you're not living or waiting for me, because I know that if we are both focused only on God nothing else matters. It won't matter if you're really out there or not if I'm finding my worth in my Lord and Savior. And if you are out there, everything will happen according to His will as long as we both put Him first in our lives.

If we can serve the Lord better together than we can on our own, I know that will happen. But if we can bring more glory to God singly, then I hope I never meet you. I hope I go on living life as a single woman, doing everything I can to follow in the Lords perfect plan for me. The most important thing to me is that when I get to the pearly gates I am welcomed in as a good, and faithful servant - outside of that nothing else matters, and I hope the same is true of you.

Signed,

Your (maybe) future wife

An Update on Life

{lots of fashion, coffee, and thrifting happening lately}

Hello, Internet! I've been absolute rubbish at blogging lately. Life has been crazy and for some reason I've felt very censored about posting publicly - which is stupid, because I've literally been doing this for years and I've made some of my best friends through blogging. So I'm going to try to post semi regularly again. But first, some updates on how my life is going.

Work:

I'm still at Francesca's, but in November of last year I was promoted to the full time assistant manager of one of the stores in a mall. Being in a mall for the first time in my retail career has been an adjustment, but I love my store and my team. I was acting manager for two months and that was a great learning experience, and I know I want to be a manager someday, but not yet. For now I'm happy to be assistant manager to my new (awesome!) store manager.

Boys:

My boyfriend and I broke up in late December. It was a weird experience. For months and months I thought that if we ever broke up I would be crushed/heart broken/at my wits end. Then it happened... And I was surprisingly ok. Not going to say I didn't have my moments of sadness, but as Mr Collins of Pride and Predjudice so eloquently put it once - for as they say, even a broken clock is right twice a day - "resignation is never so perfect as when the blessing denied begins to loose somewhat of its value in our estimation." So, yeah. Basically I'm a-ok. 

Home:

In September I moved in with two of my best friends just over the border in Wisconsin. It ended up not being the best of situations so I'll be moving again at the end of the month, to an adorable, little, one bedroom, upper apartment about ten minutes north of where I am now. I'm really excited. Living alone has always been a dream of mine, but I wasn't sure if be able to find a place I could afford. As always, however, God provided exactly what I needed and I'm excited to start this new chapter of my life (as well as being able to decorate it however I choose!).

Fashion:

I've actually been really happy with my style and the pieces I own lately! I mean, I better be considering how many I have! Working at Francesca's is seriously dangerous for me, y'all! The only problem is that I'm lazy and haven't been taking pictures for this lil' piece of the Internet. Boo! I'm going to try to do better as the weather warms up.

So yeah, that's what I've been up to lately! Just lots of working and thrifting and getting ready to move. Spring is for new beginnings, right?